It's the Great Pumpkin, Caliban
by Dark Aria
Summary: It's Halloween and Cal and Niko are on a very unusual job. Oneshot. Warning: very silly!


_This was a story for the October challenge over on Tumulus. We had to use at least 3 of the following words: pottery, scrambled, bottlecap, piano, countryside, and/or sable. _

oooOOOooo

**It's the Great Pumpkin, Caliban:**

Cal followed his brother past their parked car to the barbwire fence at the side of the dirt road. It was almost midnight on Halloween, and there was no ambient light way out here in the upstate countryside. The full moon was going to rise soon, but until it did they were stuck using their flashlights in the vast, open field.

Niko stepped on a lower wire of the fence and held the upper one while Cal scrambled through. "Tell me again why we're freezing our asses out here on Halloween?" Cal asked.

Niko slipped through as Cal held the wires for him. He sighed. "I suppose it would be too much to ask that you actually listen to the briefing on our way here." He walked confidently through the field. Cal realized it was a pumpkin patch – dead vines twisted everywhere across the ground and forlorn, unwanted pumpkins dotted the field.

As Niko led the way, he explained, "Back in the Depression Era a group of Rom came through this area. Two brothers were accused by the locals of theft, and beaten within an inch of their lives. Their grandmother cursed the town so that every Halloween, the vegetation planted in this field would rise from the dead and terrorize the surrounding area."

Cal snorted. "You're joking, right?"

"It has precedent. The Rom of Eastern Europe believed pumpkins could be cursed with a sort of vampirism, rising from the dead after 10 days to roll around on their own, trying to hurt people and animals."

Cal stopped in the field. "Vampire pumpkins," he said flatly.

Niko glanced over his shoulder and his lip quirked. "Since you're a little old for trick-or-treat, I thought this would be the next best thing, little brother."

"Screw this. I'm waiting in the car." Cal turned to go back, but an iron grip on his sable ponytail stopped him. Cal groaned. "I want it known I'm doing this under protest."

"Duly noted."

Cal sighed and trudged along in Niko's wake. "So how do we stop the great squash massacre from happening? And who in their right minds would hire us in the first place?"

"Apparently last year some high school kids came out here on a dare, and the local star quarterback suffered a knee injury from one of the pumpkins. That was the last straw, so some people on the county board hired us. Strictly under the table, of course."

"The kid was probably drunk at off his ass," Cal pointed out. "Okay, so how do we stop this again?"

"I did a little research. The Rom woman must have planted something in the field to house the curse. We should look for a larger than usual pumpkin, and it will have blood on it."

"How are we supposed to see blood in the dark?"

Niko looked back and flicked Cal on the nose.

"Ow. Oh." Cal paused and sniffed. "Nope. Just a bunch of dead pumpkins. Hey – how come Promise didn't come with us on this one? Too embarrassed to be seen with her poor country cousins?"

What Niko did next was a lot more painful than a nose flick. When Cal finally managed to get to his feet, the moon had crested the horizon and flooded the field with silvery light.

"Now we'll see if the stories are true," Niko said.

Cal grumbled. "Swear to God, if I see a beagle dancing through the pumpkin patch…"

"Shh."

They listened. After a moment, there was a hollow rattling sound to their right. Cal swung his flashlight around. A basketball-sized pumpkin rocked itself loose and began rolling towards them.

"Huh. What's it going to do: roll over my foot?" Cal scoffed.

At that very moment, the pumpkin launched off the ground straight for Cal's face. He dodged, but it still managed to clip him on the temple.

"Son of a bitch!" Call yelled, clapping a hand over the spot. The stars came out of the sky to dance in front of his eyes for a moment.

"Cal, stop playing around." Niko drew his katana. Another pumpkin lobbed through the air, and he stepped forward to neatly slice it in two.

"Oh, yeah. Playtime's definitely over," snarled Cal as he drew his gun.

Cal shot pumpkins out of the air as they flew out of the silvery shadows at the brothers. Niko wove a gleaming net of steel that sent chunks of pumpkin shell spinning away. Within minutes, they were covered with stringy, slimy pumpkin innards and seeds.

"Goddam it, Nik: how many curses did the old bat plant?" Cal ducked another one as he reloaded.

"Just one, Cal. Find the master vampire pumpkin or we'll be out here all night."

It suddenly occurred to Cal just how strange their lives really were. He cast about, trying to catch a whiff of blood amongst the overripe pumpkin guts, rotted vines, and half frozen earth.

"This way!" He ran through the field, jumping over vines and dodging pumpkins that tried to trip him up. He heard Niko running at his back. Unfortunately, he also heard the hollow thumping of pumpkins rolling and bouncing after them.

"There!" Cal's light shone on a massive, misshapen pumpkin rising up out of the ground. It was nearly waist high lying on its side, and twice as long. Its shell gleamed menacingly in the moonlight, darker patches streaking it hull.

"Cover me," Niko said as he sprinted past Cal. Cal spun around, gun trained on the army of squash bounding their way. He fired at one that tried to sail past his shoulder to strike his brother in the back. It was like a demented video game where he was trying to keep back an advancing line of enemy combatants.

"Niko, hurry!" Cal glanced back. He saw his brother carving up the master pumpkin with his katana. Niko then plunged his arm in up to the shoulder and a second later pulled out a small clay jar. He smashed the pottery on the side of the pumpkin.

Cal turned back, but the pumpkins had all rolled to a stop. Where the field had been randomly dotted with pumpkins before, it was now empty except for a 20 foot radius around them where the pumpkins clustered.

Cal fired off one last shot into a pumpkin near his foot. "It twitched," he said in response to Niko's reproving look.

After a moment of silence, Cal reholstered his gun. He tried to scrape a handful of pumpkins guts and seeds out of his hair as he glared at his brother. "This has got to be one of the more disgusting jobs we've ever taken."

Niko shook his arm a couple of times. "Agreed. Come on, let's get back to the car and try to get some of this off."

As they walked back through the field, Niko clapped Cal on the shoulder. He held up a fun-size Snickers bar. "Happy Halloween, Cal."

Cal snatched it out of his hand and tore off the wrapping. "There had better be more where this came from," he said before cramming it in his mouth. He savored the caramel, chocolaty goodness along with the feeling of a job well done.


End file.
